Survivor Shares Message of Hope

Jodee Blanco, bullying survivor and author of The New York Times best-seller “Please Stop Laughing at Me,” recently brought her message of hope and forgiveness to the Academy of the Holy Angels. Blanco addressed the middle school, upper school, AHA parents, and faculty at separate presentations. Her powerful, heartfelt seminar, “It’s NOT Just Joking Around,” focused on bullying survival and prevention.

“I was the kid nobody wanted to be caught dead talking to,” Blanco told students from the upper school. “My school years were a nightmare.”

She described two types of popular people, highlighting the “elite leader” and the “elite tormentor.”

The auditorium fell silent as Blanco acted out a scene of bullying that vividly recalled dialogue and actions from the past. She noted that bullying can damage people for life.

“The reason I know is because I’m damaged,” she said. “How you treat each other now is going to live long past graduation.”

When confronted by a school authority, the group that had tormented Blanco with hate messages, destruction of her personal property, and physical intimidation said they were joking, or that they weren’t doing anything.

“Bullying is not just what you do, but all the nice things you never do,” she added, pointing to the ostracism she experienced.

She urged those present to live up to their courage, compassion, and strength.

Blanco told of a hateful message a classmate wrote in yearbook just before graduation, but then began her story of hope and success.

Referring to a vintage Claymation Christmas story that features the “Island of Misfit Toys,” Blanco shared, “I went to college at the Island of Misfit Toys.” She made real friends, adding, “Together, we lifted each other up.”

After college, her career in marketing and public relations took off like a rocket. Her first job involved helping the first family at the time, and led to their reconciliation with an estranged son.

Blanco also decided to write “Please Stop Laughing at Me.” She noted how difficult it was to write her story, and how hard it was for her to be speaking at AHA.

She told the incredible story of how, after 20 years, she attended her high school reunion, where she met her former tormentors face to face. Blanco said she was able to forgive herself, and her former classmates. She then revealed that a bully is almost always someone who is experiencing pain. Those who had tormented her for years included a boy whose mother had left the family, leaving him to take food from the school cafeteria to feed himself and his brothers. Another tormentor’s parent had committed suicide.

Blanco clarified that bullying is not justified, even if the bully is experiencing personal pain.

She pointed out the difference between telling an authority about a bully versus “snitching.” Blanco said an example of “telling” is: “I’m telling, not because I want to get this person in trouble, but because this person may already be in trouble.”

The speaker added that she connected with her long-time school crush at the 20-year reunion, and ultimately married him. One of her former tormentors was the maid of honor at their wedding. Ultimately, Blanco and her husband divorced. She realized she had married a bully. She shared that he got help with anger management, and is now on a positive path.

Blanco told the students that having your heart broken is part of life, but drew a distinction between a broken heart and a broken spirit. She talked about never blowing out the flame of someone’s spirit.

“Risk your heart every day,” she said. “The rewards are incredible.”

The speaker challenged the students to get to know peers from outside their usual friend groups, and discover how interesting people can be. She also urged anyone who is being bullied to seek support from a trusted adult. That support, she said, can include suggestions for finding a new outlet and developing new social connections.

“Do not change for anyone,” Blanco told the Angels.

Some students asked questions. One person returned to the issue of the yearbook, which Blanco said she had burned. Years later, Blanco received another copy of the yearbook, and had her former classmates sign it as adults.

As the auditorium cleared, some students stayed behind to speak with Blanco. One Angel said Blanco’s presentation gave her hope that she would also be able to forgive some people in her own life.