AHA Blog: How ‘The 10 Norms’ Foster Respect

The Act Justly Committee at the Academy of the Holy Angels encourages inclusivity. Here are the 10 norms committee members recommend to facilitate respectful conversations, even when people disagree.

Speak from the “I” perspective.
Be fully present.
Be self-responsible and self-challenging.
Listen to understand.
Accept respectful conflict as a necessary catalyst for change.
Suspend judgment.
Be comfortable with silence.
Make mistakes and let go.
Lean into discomfort.
Respect confidentiality. Respect the candidness of others as a gift.

Here is what members of the AHA community are saying.

AHA Middle School Dean Traci Koval: “The established norms should be at the forefront of every conversation. They are a constant reminder of how important it is to show respect to others by always being fully present in the conversation. Clear yourself of any distractions. When you are fully present, you can then be sure to listen to understand what others have to say. One of the norms that is a work in progress for me is to be comfortable with silence.”

Social studies teacher James Dykes: “I think the ‘suspend judgment’ norm is very helpful for classroom discussions. It allows students the freedom to share their views without fear, and teaches tolerance and acceptance of differences in opinion.”

AHA Diversity Council member Natasha: “In order to engage in effective, respectful debate on a particular topic with peers, I allow myself to become opinion-less for a brief period, and listen to the opinions of others. Listening is an important virtue that requires patience. I try and understand all sides of the issue, especially since an individual reaches his or her point of view through personal experiences and beliefs. Once I analyze all perspectives, I share my argument, whether it be in agreement with someone else or a rebuttal; but I go into detail as to why I take a certain stance.”

Director of Mission & Ministry Joan Connelly: “One of the norms I recently used was ‘lean into discomfort.’ While in a casual conversation with a friend, he said something that caused me to take offense. He intended his comment to be funny, but I found it perpetuated a false racial stereotype. I took a breath and said, ‘I’d like to challenge you on that remark.’ He acknowledged the biased remark and the fact that he shouldn’t have said it.”

Social studies teacher Jennifer Cucchisi: “The norm that I felt the most uncomfortable with was to ‘be comfortable with silence.’ I often feel as though I need to fill in the silence and explain things if there is a gap in discussion. However, once I started to utilize the norms, I realize that silence truly can be ‘golden’ and that sometimes it takes people a minute to gather their thoughts and opinions, or simply to muster up the courage to respond. I use this not only in my home life, but also more often in the classroom than I did before.”

AHA Diversity Council member Adriana: “Engaging in conversations with others who may not have the same views as you is a crucial skill. One of the most important aspects of peaceful conversations is listening, opening your ears and heart to fully understand what someone is thinking and feeling. Empathy begins with understanding. With understanding, one can clarify misconceptions and falsehoods. I use this norm when talking with my friends and family. Even upon disagreements, I think that it is important to view both sides of a situation before coming to a conclusion. It is easy to view something as either black or white, but I find comfort in the gray area. I constantly try to educate myself and be open to everything. I do not limit myself to a single source of information, but instead look at various ones to make my own comparison. Finding middle ground and learning to peacefully coexist with people is something I advocate for. I hope the AHA community will also continue with this ideal and foster an environment of inclusivity and harmony among all students and staff.”